SEPSIS.

In November 2018, I had my latest medical emergency. I was taken into intensive care for 6 days, with Sepsis. 

Monday 19th 
It started on a Monday morning, I had been unwell for a while with the standard chest infections, but I was advised to have 2 immunisation jabs, Pneumonia and Meningitis. 
I remember it all so clearly, waking up that morning feeling a little better than I had for months previously, had my jab at 8:55 then went and spent the day with my mum. By 14:00 that day, my armpit starting to ache and I didn't feel very well at all. 
I picked Penelope up from Pre-School, took her home and we had a chilled afternoon. I took myself to bed at 20:00 from feeling so unwell. 

Tuesday 20th
I woke during the early hours of the morning, vomiting, dizziness and severe pain in my left arm. The pain was so bad I couldn't even have a blanket on my arm, I couldn't lift it or move it. 
First thing in the morning I called the Dr's surgery where I had my jabs and the Dr told me to go to A&E as soon as I could. Luckily, I had my friend Laura coming over for a coffee as I couldn't even put a top on let-a-lone take Penelope anywhere in my car to get to the hospital. Laura came, and took me to hospital and then had Penelope for the day (an absolute god send). My mum came up, and there was a slight red mark on my arm, about a finger print size... nothing major. But the pain was unbearable. 
I was given I.V antibiotics through ambulatory care at Basingstoke Hospital. They put a dotted line around the redness on my arm as it kept spreading. It was then confirmed it was cellulitis. I was sent home to come back the next day for more antibiotics. 
That evening I stayed at my mum's as I couldn't do anything for myself. 

Here is a picture of the cellulitis

Wednesday 21st
Overnight Tuesday I was OK, went into hospital for my daily I.V, they had changed it to a stronger one as I was feeling no better and the cellulitis was still spreading. 
I managed to eat a full meal on the Wednesday which was the first time since Monday. I went to bed feeling a little better.

Thursday 22nd
I woke up about 4am, unable to see, a ringing noise in my head, unable to move and so nauseous. I called for my mum, as soon as she saw me she called for an ambulance. I remember thinking at the time 'Oh god no, I don't need an ambulance'. When the ambulance crew arrived, I vomited...alot, my heart rate was high and my blood pressure low. I was taken to hospital straight away. As soon as I got there they took more bloods (I had been having bloods daily to check the infection levels). I was put in a cubicle in A&E. My step dad came with me to the hospital, as my mum had to stay at home with the foster children and my daughter. Throughout the morning, me and Steve (step dad) were just chatting away like normal - I felt AWFUL but I still had my sense of humour. At one point we joked that I may need to have my arm cut off from the shoulder due to the infection... 

Here is a picture of me in A&E, taken by Steve.

Up to about 9.30 I kept having to get up to go to the toilet, when I would get back into bed I would be in a lot of pain, and need more IV painkillers. The orthopedic doctors came round and said that my bloods had changed dramatically within the last few hours to what they should have been. My CRP was 300 times higher than the normal - I knew at that point something wasn't right and I got a little worried. 

I stopped being able to get up and go to the toilet, and was transferred to a different part of A&E, this was when my mum managed to get up and be with me and Steve. Whilst in this room, I told my mum I couldn't go for a wee, but really needed to go... I had gone into fluid retention, and my neck and face started to swell due to lymphedema. A different doctor came in to see me and started poking my arm - it was the most horrendous pain I have ever endured. I don't really remember much, as the pain sent me into seizure. My brothers Neil and Adam had come to see me on their lunch break, and I remember Adam trying to massage my spasming feet, and Neil stroking my forehead. I also stopped breathing for a short period. 

It was at this point I was moved in resus. 

Whilst I was in resus they had to put a catheter in, and I felt such a release I remember that vividly. 

My heart went into VF (ventricular fibrillation) every time I had a seizure. Basically they couldn't pick up a proper heart rhythm. 

I had an Intensive Care Consultant come and talk to me when I was in resus and he said that I was very unwell and because of my tracheostomy needs I would need to go into Intensive Care - at this point he hadn't seen me have a seizure. 

I definitely lost a few hours, as I went into Resus at 12pm, and then I remember seeing the clock in my side room in Intensive Care at 4pm. When the same doctor came in, and saw me having a seizure. I remember hearing him say 'she wasn't doing this in resus' and my mum replied saying 'she has been doing this on and off for 3 1/2 hours now' he then said to the nurses to get me some Midazolam. I wanted to shout 'I DON'T NEED THAT', but I had no control over my body and what was happening, and I was in so much pain from having constant muscle spasms all over my body for hours. 

I was then given Midaz and regular anti seizure medication. I do not remember anything from that point. 

I was given a brain scan, thankfully that came back normal so they knew that my seizures were not coming from my brain - just a reaction of the infection.

I had a lumbar puncture - again luckily I don't remember this as I can imagine they are very painful. 

I was on so many antibiotics and had scans regularly.

My neck swelled so much I needed to have different trachy tapes on as I had got so fat my tapes were basically strangling me.

I do remember my brother Phillip coming to my bed side, literally it seems for like a milli second I heard his voice and that was it. 

I was fighting so hard to be able to move a part of my body or to open my eyes but it just wasn't happening.
I can't write much more about the evening and the night as I don't really know.

Friday 23rd & Saturday 24th

I have put these together because I can't identify what day was which and what actually happened. 

I remember my Dad and step mum Kat came straight from Japan (they fly with BA) to see me. I was very confused and asked him when he would be back from Japan....lol.

I was very much in and out of consciousness for these days. 

I know my Mum, Steve, all three of my brothers and Dad & Kat were around me. 

My Nan & Grandad came down to see me, my poor Grandad witnessed one of my seizures. I think that was very hard for him. 

Throughout Thursday, Friday and Saturday I think all of my family had been in the room whilst I had a seizure, I remember my brothers having to leave because they couldn't see it.

From what my mum has told me, the Doctors were happier with me on the Friday night and Saturday -  I was responding to the medications.

Here I am, on one of the days - I'm unsure what day..

Sunday 25th

I had a really good night on the Saturday and on the Sunday I was able to have some food as I had been nil by mouth due to the seizures. 

I was able to go off of the ward in a wheelchair with an ITU Nurse and HCA. 

That evening the nurse said she would like to take me for a shower (yes, I know... I hadn't been able to have a shower since Wednesday).

The orthopedic doctor came round and said that I am doing very well and no surgery would be needed, i.e amputation or deep tissue removal. 

My nurse and my mum took me round in a wheelchair to High Dependency to have a shower. 

I remember being so excited as I was able to take two steps from the toilet to the shower chair. 

My mum put the shower on me, and I just remember telling her to stop as i could feel myself trembling. I asked her to gently lift up my left arm (cellulitis arm). 

I then had the biggest seizure of my life. This one was very painful as my head kept hitting the wall behind me, my legs were flying around everywhere. The nurse called for some help, and I remember this male nurse came and sat down in front of me held my legs together to keep me on the seat, he had been eating some kind of steak crisps as that is all I could smell. It was a very weird experience. Again, completely out of control of my body, yet could hear, smell and sometimes see if my eyes would let me open them. 

I was moved onto a bed, and all I could hear was my mum crying. I tried so hard to open my eyes, to which the nurses saw, and they stroked my head and said - it's OK, your mum will be OK. 

I then stayed in HDU for my remainder of my admission. I was stable enough to not need ITU care but still quite unwell. 

Here I am in HDU.

Monday 26th & Tuesday 27th

Throughout the coming days it was just a case of getting better. I had rehabilitation, to make sure I could still walk etc. I nailed that - of course. 

On the Tuesday I was able to go down to the canteen with my mum and Steve. That was very strange but equally very lovely. My mum and I shared a little moment and Steve captured it on camera - you can see the relief on my mum's face. Steve said it was the first time she had smiled in a week. 

Tuesday evening, Prince bought Penelope up to see me. This was the first time I had seen her in a week, she was 3 at the time and it was all quite confusing for her, but equally not as she had seen me in hospital alot. As always she took it in her stride, she even wanted to perform 'suction' on my trachy with the help of my mum (below). Seeing her was amazing!

Wednesday 28th & Thursday 29th
Again, thankfully there isn't much to write about these days as I was recovering well.
I remember on the Wednesday I was snoozing one afternoon and Steve was holding my hand watching TV and my hand just started twitching which was always the start to my seizures, I remember waking up and seeing him just staring at me. I just tried really hard to relax and it went pretty quickly. 
On the Thursday, the doctors said I could have been moved to general ward. But due to infection risks they wanted me to go home, but to my Mum's so I still had 24 hour care. 
I left the hospital on the Thursday evening, then stayed at my mums for 2 weeks until I was strong enough to be at home with Penelope on my own.


Due to the seizures I was unable to drive for 3 months - this was so difficult. All over Christmas my family had to chauffeur me around everywhere. But I was able to get back to some kind of normality over the coming months. 

I think still to this day, I have the affects of the Sepsis. There is something called Post Sepsis Syndrome, and I definitely had some of the symptoms. I would constantly feel exhausted, but at times I would need to just stop and sleep. It felt like I would just hit a wall and that was it, I couldn't physically do anything I also had anxiety and depression, loss of self esteem & difficulty concentrating. Thankfully I am over most of this now.

I will post a factual blog about Sepsis, the signs & symptoms etc for you to read. 

Thank you for reading this, very long blog... It was hard to write, but the hardest part is writing about seeing members of my family so sad and feeling so helpless. 

I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I am truly blessed with the people I have in my life. 

xx